Who owns my pleasure? A few years ago I would have smirked at the question. Obviously me. Then I actually sat with it, and went quiet for longer than I'd like to admit.
Because when I looked closely, quite a few people had already called dibs.
Partners. For a long time, pleasure was something that happened in a room with someone else in it, and mostly for them. If they were happy, the night went well. Whether I was felt like a bonus. (yuk)
Corporations. Now there's a vibrator for every mood, delivered in discreet packaging by Thursday. Which is great, honestly, the girls and I get along wonderfully. But somewhere along the way, buying the thing started to feel like doing the thing. Add to cart, tick the box. New guilt unlocked because these 3 have gathered dust the last year.
Society. Somewhere between Sex and the City reruns, watching Girls for the 100th time and my For You page, I picked up that a modern woman is meant to be all about the O. Adventurous, liberated, never not up for it. Which is just another performance, with better lighting.
I grew up in religious communities, where pleasure wasn't exactly on the agenda. I'm still unlearning bits of that.
But the thing that took me longest to see was this:
Every answer I'd been handed had me measuring my pleasure against someone else's expectations. Theirs to enjoy, theirs to sell, theirs to judge.
Turns out it belongs to no one but me. Mine to discover, define and deepen, at my own pace, with nobody watching or keeping score.
So why build a whole event about it?
Because I can count on one hand the rooms I've been in where women talked about pleasure like it was just… normal. Not a confession. Not a punchline. Not something you only bring up after the second glass of wine.
I've spent 15 years building communities and running events, from Comic-Con to Star Wars Celebration. I know what happens to a room when people realise they're not the only ones. So when I couldn't find that room for pleasure, I decided to build it.
The Baths is a social experience where women, femmes & gender non-conformists explore pleasure, follow their curiosity and realise they're not the only ones. No pressure. No performance. Nobody calling dibs.
You don't need to have it figured out. I definitely don't. Come curious, the water's fine.
